unpredictable.

im freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. insert deep sighs of relief. YES. i may have no idea what i want from life but i am slowly understanding what i dont want.

.. mind you, i have a nasty habit of always changing my mind. vomit.

untitled.

"I wish someone would tell me something incredibly profound. I wish my heart would beat beat beat in time with theirs and things I want to say wouldn’t get caught in my throat like my hair gets caught in my fingers and ties itself into knots. I wish the voice in my head didn’t say the things it does, because of all the people I can trust in the world I shouldn’t be one of them. That’s why I listen to music louder than the sounds of the late-night television programs like poker competitions and bad films starring bad actors. And in the middle of the cacophony of sounds the only thoughts I can hear are the singer’s, the whisperer’s, the poet’s, infinitely better and wiser. Wiser even than the stars. I bet they don’t trust themselves either. I bet lots of people don’t when they’ve fallen down the rabbit hole and felt a heartbreak or three. Boys didn’t break my heart you know, I did. I break it all the time. I’m breaking it right now and I don’t even know why."

what is the point in making a decision or even saying it outloud well knowing that it wont change anything. RIDDLE ME THIS. why am i investing time with someone who wont invest any time with me?! RIDDLE. ME. THAT.

combat baby take deux.

this time tomorrow i have every intention of erasing all the bad choices i made the last couple of months. it starts with cutting the clutter.

i really dont like crying at random hours of the day. maybe its that time of the month. no wait. ive been doing for months now. hate how people have a crazy affect on me. i get knocked on it often: i care too much. which i thought was an admirable quality. and it is. but not when it burns a hole so deep that i can almost feel my bones crack. vivid. woah.

the way i see it #5849 i will always care about a person no matter how much theyve hurt me or how many times theyve made me cry.. with the exception of one person. said person can go to hell and take his ugly nammer gf with him. jerk =)

put it in a love song

i love when i get a weekend day as one of my days off. ohh the perks of working the glorious life that is a retail employee.. every day off is considered a "weekend." friday, saturday, and sunday?! pshh. those are just regular days in my books. but to the rest of the world, those three days are WEEKEND. and when im blessed to get either of these days off, i try to maximize it. ergo.. my saturday.

step one: dim sum lunch with exgappers. oh how ive missed you so. i especially love the content of our rendezvous. the conversations with old friends are always so random. like you do the whole omg i miss you havent seen you in so long hows school are guys in your life when do you graduate. and then you transition to what i call, "real talk" that being the stuff that doesnt necessarily have an auto answer. our convo went to a business lunch type setting where i tried to recruit baby dee to aritzia. im just saying.. the option is THERE and they are GOOD PEOPLE to calling each other bitches across the lunch table. because apparently the only reason why nida likes me is because im a bitch. what you consider bitchy i call "being real." with that said, we will teach baby lyriq the ways of her aunties - "YOU WILL LEARN!" and i dont know why people does this but it seems that whenever theres a baby at the table and they have a baby too they feel the need to introduce them. wtf? you gonna set a play date for next week? oh man. it was really weird and kind of awkward. i felt old. like hello family luncheon type feel. and how come that 5yr old chinese kid didnt want to talk to us! what a hater. sun sui wah is a classy place for classy people who want dim sum. they dont do the carts but they have MICROPHONES.

step two: AVATAR!!! thank you carlo for watching this movie with me!! ok. so you think that after a movie has been out for a while the theatre wouldnt be so jam packed right? well apparently for this movie the rules do not apply. NO SIR. we had to sit at the front!! my eyes were going crazy from all the visual stimulation. 3D. close up. OH MAN. insert headache now. i honestly felt like this movie could have been divided into three movies in itself. but thats just what i think. i found out it was carlo's second time being in metrotown. second time. after living here for years. thats CRAZY. haha!! so of course there had to be a tour.. but i dont even know metro that well so aimless walking is always a good option to kill time before the well anticipated pac fight. carlo, i will not lie to you.. i kinda wanted to ride the train. muwahah!! but only to say that i did. twas good catch up with a friend that i havent seen in years. because i really dont remember the last time i saw him... am still thinking. oh and ps - im still looking for an ugly baby.

step three: pac fight at zfs. i gave her her xmas/bday present. introducing.. wolfgang, a plastic wolf that when plugged in his eyes light up. YUUUP!!. whatever my baby wants, she gets. BAHAHA!! best moment of the night had to be when zf's mom pet the present. YES. so epic. that is why i love her. because shes dope like no joke. maaaaaaaan.i love that house. every time i go there it reminds me of all the times i spent passed out on the couch or having mom make us samosas at 3am. oh the goodtimes. anyways, pacfight sucked. waste of energy for tito manny imo. HE IS MY FUTURE CONGRESS. chad has a boy crush on him. i swear his smile was from ear to ear every time tito manny was on the screen. what a weirdo. eurotrip? partially? am still pending.

STEP FOUR: fuck men i just wanna dance. went out with the girls because we are SINGLE and its SATURDAY. need i say more? started off at guu because guu is the shit. and let me just say, that i ate for all of us girls. fat kids unite for reals. but i paid for it dearly when i could barely walk out the door. onwards to lamplighter. now let me just say that i love lamp. lamplighter is actually a nice spot. its casual its easy its like cambie and the foggy DONT in a better atmosphere. its especially nice if you want your ego boosted ten fold. thanks jess for the intro. i love your friend, can i meet someone JUST LIKE HIM and looks JUST LIKE HIM. yes. get on that. i dont know though.. there was a lot of touch dancing. which i havent been a fan of since i turned legal. like.. what is the appeal? sometimes dont you just want to DANCE? like real dance. like without 'backing it up' as they like to say. maybe its just not my steez. maybe im crazy. all i know is, is that if youre gonna dance up on a guy try to move your bag AWAY from my head. bitch wondered why i just stared at her with death eyes. oh yes i enjoy being a third wheel in your private dance party. the eff? back up off my spaaaaaaaaace!!! spring forward clock change was the death of me. LAME.

so what is the point of this? what is the moral of the story? we gotta remember to relax sometimes. carlo gave it to me strait. theres plenty of time to sleep when im dead. in other words, we are at an age where YES we have our responsibilities but at the same time, we gotta just enjoy our day! my saturday was a bit crazy on the expenses to say the least but it was worth it. why? because i spent it with good people and we had a good time and at the end of the day, its those little things that matter the most. proof pudding: i smiled the entire time i wrote this =)

PREACH!!

guardian angel.

do you ever have those days when youre hanging out or talking to someone and as they go on about whatever the eff youre talking about you think to yourself, "why the HECK am i even involving myself with you." cuz i do. and its weird. not because thats a weird thought. but because its happening a little too often. especially these last few weeks. ho humm...

i miss the olympics. post olympic depression. i need something to do. i need a reason to be drunk at three in the afternoon. i need to see the red white and black surround the streets of robson and granville. oh were the days when id receive the txt msgs and phone calls to go downtown. what for? OLYMPIC MADNESS, THATS WHAT!! i feel lost.

i have a slight love for hockey. this is kind of a huge deal. my cousins can understand that this is simply unnatural. i was the girl that would say "what quarter is this?" when trying to watch a game. yuup. but now theres a purpose. and his name is sid crosby. hes cute. not taylor pyatt cute. but still cute. OH! and theres another one too.. but i forget his name. needless to say, i watch hockey now with the intention of potentially discovering some eye candy. everyone has their motives this just happens to be mine. judge all you want. at least i can say there are three periods in a game now. next on the list: icing.

alice in wonderland. avatar. and remember me. YES. someone watch this crap with me. pleaaaaaase. before i start crying. the first two need to be in 3D.

so for lent i tried to give up swearing. that didnt work out too well. especially after a hard day at work. so i gave up something new: fries. i think i can do it. just one month.. this ones much more probable than last years alcohol try. i lasted i think two weeks? and thats with the whole "sundays the day of rest" so i could drink sunday at 12am at the bar. how lame.

back to school. and im loving it. i dont know what it is. maybe its my classmates. or maybe its the environment. no. its definetly having the satisfaction of knowing that im learning something that i love and will pursue in the future. that didnt take long at all. haha

ryan leslie is life. his new album is seriously on repeat at work. and when i get home. oh man. the lyrics. the beats. his voice. my faves are "guardian angel" and "i choose you." but really, i like them all. i just prefer these two cuz they slow my mind down. like way down.

POP OPERA THIS SATURDAY. happy belated birthday to me. it really didnt feel right not celebrating. people gave me weird looks when i said i wasnt gonna celebrate. and you know what? they were right. the olympics kinda made it hard to set something up hence why its this weekend. come one. come all =)

the eclipse movie trailer sucked balls hardcore. its my fave book in the entire series. david slade, you better not disappoint.